Don't lose yourself and regret,just love yourself and you're set

I Just Want To Be Beautiful.

Is it fucking hard? Come on,is it? No,it should not be. But why is it?

I dont know,if you know,please tell me.

Today,i felt so different. I felt that im beautiful??  Yes,imagine,first time of my life,i saw something beautiful on my body and face.First time i was proud to be myself. So many years passed by when i  tired to me someone or something. Many years ,actually my whle life till now,i tried to satisfy the peoples around me. Many times I hated my hair,because others disliked it.I hated my big eyes,cause others said they are weird. Now,i love my eyes,I love being different than others,although it hurts,that im not same.But being same with such stuipididiotbitch-girls. I love that the old women and men smiles to me,because im different,or that the childrens feel comfortable with me cause im still childish.I have many good points,that others may not have,just beacuse im proudly different.

You!! Be proud that your unique.

.....such a messy text

Living is such hard thing.
Dying  is such mysterious thing.

Yeah,for couple of days  I have thought to kill myself,imagining myself dead,the peoples around me.One is crying another is shcoked.I want some peoples to feel guilty. 

But in the times i think about death, I remember that I have meaning in this life. There must be even one person in this world who loves and cares about me.Not about what i have or what i can give,but because of me. And im sre killing myself is not a solution,its way to the real hell.

I really can't wait till the 4.6.2011,graduation day.Leaving the shitty school and the hell there. I just want to leave,want to begin from nothing,with no one. Being new in a new place,alone and no one knows my past. That is what I want. 

You know how does it feel when you want to be free,happy and live without regarding that you live? Do you know how feels to live 24/7 with fear and sadness?  If you know,could you please tell me what is my problem? 

HNNGH.... I really want to explain my feelings to peoples,but when they  sit beside me and ask what is my problem and am I okey.I lie.And I say yes,everything is Ok. And when Im near to say my feelings,the peoples are so happy and glad,that i dont wanna make them feel bad. Simply,i dislike to make them worry about me.

Beacuse then i feel more bad,and really want to leave this place.

Yesterday,was the first day i sang with my voice to peoples around me; my  friends.
I didn't hear my voice,beacuse i was listening to the song.For first time, I made peoples open their mouths and just be shocked,because of a good thing. First time in my life. They said beautiful voice. I was very happy that i even  cried. Yeah,but no one is going to hear my voice,because i hate it,i can't sing hearing my voice. Yeah,i dont know what im explaining here,no idea.

I really want to fly away,leave everything and just fly awy,leaving everyone,being selfish for once and caring only about myself. Yes,i want to be selfish-


with love and care: Hope

Beauty

Beauty, what  is actually beauty. Ok.

Beautiful is an adjective used to describe things as possessing beauty.

Beauty is a characteristic of a person, animal, place, object, or idea that provides a perceptual experience of pleasure, meaning, or satisfaction.

THIS IS WHAT WIKIPEDIA SAYS.

but in my opinion, each one is beautiful on his & her own way. To lock these two things > beautiful and beauty in one box is simply wrong. Everyone of us is unique, there is no one who is exactly same, that means that we, each one of us, has own beauty, may not in face or body, but in our hearts. That someone says that you or I are ugly  ,is wrong and it hurts ,but we have to remember ,that this is THEIR opinion not your or mine. Just one person in this world thinks that, and who cares if more ,really ? Who are they to judge you ?

Do not judge yourself through someone else eyes.

Love and judge yourself through your own eyes.

That someone says ,for you or me, it hurts, we may not forget it. We will always remember it ,may we will cry the night ,may we will have the wound in our hearts and minds ,may we will look in the mirror and begin to judge ourselves. It's not wrong, if we wouldn't be hurted  now, we will remember it in the future,  if we now couldn't understood our feelings and forget,we will remember and realize that we never forgot those words,if we wouldn't cry now,we will cry in the future,and the wound may not hurt you or me now,but in the coming days,for sure will hurt and bleed inside us.But looking in the mirror,with critizing eyes,is wrong,beacues when you need to criticize yourself,you will see the beautiful thing  as ugly thing,That will hurt you more than any word.

When you look at yourself from the mirror,remember your beautiful with they way you are,not with the way THEY want you to be.

Beauty,what is it? Its full of meaning and has so large meaning to has one roletype.

In my eyes beauty is natural, the plastic surgery will not make us prettier. NO,plastic surgery may change our look,but not what we are really.Never. In the end no one  will fall for your face or body,the will see it first,they may like it,but not love it.

Beautiful. So many girls and women want to be beautiful. They could even make plastic surgery. My opinion of the surgery,is a bit upper ^^

If we all are the same as the typical type of word beauty or beautiful, there would not be beauty and no one would be beautiful in own way.

The idea of being beautiful is that we are all unique,we are all different.

Not the same. Not saying that being thin,with blond long hair and pretty blue eyes is ugly,but when everyone look like this,how we could say that difference is beauty,when everyone is same?

Day by day,I realize that the media and modeling world is so dangerous. They bring for the teenagers pictures about thin girls that some people could suffer to  have it,actually the most of girls suffer to have this kind of body.  Its getting me mad,the beauty  standard  is simply driving any girl to the way eating disorders and depression. When I read about young girls who are suffering from eating disoreds,and that they DO NOT have any help from the professionals,is making me sad,get the tears on my eyes and most of all makes me angry.

WHY?

One of the reasons is the beauty standard ,which form for me and maybe you picture that we are not enough to be beautiful.

WE ARE EACH ONE BEAUTIFUL IN OUR OWN WAY!! REMEMBER THAT!

with love: hope

Remember That

If you started to miss me remember, I didn't walk away,you let me go

I never wanted that day to come

I loved you so much

I couldn't live without you

You were part of me

I never though I could to live without you

I cried, asking why

My tears faded away

My feelings for you flied away

I missed you so much

I never wanted to leave you

I didn’t want to go away

But you let me go

So remember

When you miss me remember

That I loved you

And didn't want to leave you

But you  let  me go

Clothes

I though to do post of style and clothes,so here you are. And to tell everyone,these clothes are not my style,I have bit weird style :D

Bag-Gina Tricot 24.95€

Shirt- H&M 9.95€ __Shorts- Gina Tricot 34.95€

                                                Shoes H&M 12.95€__Scarf- Gina Tricot  9.95€

This is some kind of summer style, I think it's very  casual and comfortable.But I would like to clarify, that the shorts the style with high waste so the shirt could be pretty to put under the shorts,if you understood what I mean. The style is very beautiful,but too colorfull to me :(

And because it's time of spring,and so many celebrate different things,here is party/celebration package:

Dress-H&M 39.95€

Shoes- Nelly.com 41.95€

Arm jewelry-Gina Tricot 16.95€

HOPE YOU LIKE

BTW FINLAND JUST WON WORLD CHAMPIONS ICE HOCKEY

6-1 SWEDEN  LOST

Love

Like any girl I had loved too,and I didn't do anything else than broke my heart and never getting it fixed.
Still I cry nights,still my heart is pounding in my chest,still I need someone who says "I love you",not because what I have,but because who I am.

But living day by day,hour by hour,minit by minit and realize that I have some feelings hidden under my evil side. Hidden  and trying to survive till the end without breaking own heart. That's really sad,really.

When  one girl said her dream is to have a boyfriend,I laughed on her face.
And I do not regard my reaction.The only thing I  really want to have,is that I can laugh from my heart. Laughing without conscience knocking.Really.

I don't know why,but loving someone in such  a young age and breaking heart in an early time is simply wrong.
I don't know how to explain my feelings,but I'm really bored,to see young teenagers crying and getting depression because they broke up. It's really sad.

To anyone who's reading this: Just follow your heart,but don't forget that there is big line between reality and love story. When you throw everything to a one person,who could leave you in anytime,whats the point on it? 
The one who you loved and gave everything,are you sure he/she will stay behind you for ever?Or love forever?

Just question and no clear answer.

With love,Hope