Dying is such mysterious thing.
Yeah,for couple of days I have thought to kill myself,imagining myself dead,the peoples around me.One is crying another is shcoked.I want some peoples to feel guilty.
But in the times i think about death, I remember that I have meaning in this life. There must be even one person in this world who loves and cares about me.Not about what i have or what i can give,but because of me. And im sre killing myself is not a solution,its way to the real hell.
I really can't wait till the 4.6.2011,graduation day.Leaving the shitty school and the hell there. I just want to leave,want to begin from nothing,with no one. Being new in a new place,alone and no one knows my past. That is what I want.
You know how does it feel when you want to be free,happy and live without regarding that you live? Do you know how feels to live 24/7 with fear and sadness? If you know,could you please tell me what is my problem?
Beacuse then i feel more bad,and really want to leave this place.
Yesterday,was the first day i sang with my voice to peoples around me; my friends.
I didn't hear my voice,beacuse i was listening to the song.For first time, I made peoples open their mouths and just be shocked,because of a good thing. First time in my life. They said beautiful voice. I was very happy that i even cried. Yeah,but no one is going to hear my voice,because i hate it,i can't sing hearing my voice. Yeah,i dont know what im explaining here,no idea.
I really want to fly away,leave everything and just fly awy,leaving everyone,being selfish for once and caring only about myself. Yes,i want to be selfish-
with love and care:
2 comments:
No niimpä näkyy että on poistanu.. Todellakin toivon ettei se tee itelleen mitään! :( On se mulla fb:ssä kaverina, että sieltä näkee että onko vielä hengissa. Kamalaa kun pelottaa onko se tehny ittelleen jotain...
On se hengissä! :) Feisbuukissa sen kanssa juttelin. Ilmottelen sulle jos jotain ikävää tapahtuu. Toivottavasti kuitenkaan ei tapahdu..
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